Тихое английское помешательство...

[arimanels]

Иногда на меня находит... И может это под впечатлением от "Писем" Артура и Мерлина, а может от появления свежей инфы о Колине и наоборт отсутствие оной о Брэдли... Но вот пару дней назад захотелось вот этого... Идиотизм полный, но иногда хочется думать на английском (мало мне его на работе :-) )

Two Very Important Letters

Hi Col,

Just read this please till the end, do me a favour.
You could never understand the feeling I had. Never. You were always there with that happy, irresistible smile on your face and everyone who ever came up to you got a portion of that clear happiness that you just gave out. Though all the staff said I was a generator of energy and laughter and fun at the filming but without you sitting next to me none of the above would ever happen. Damn! I dunno when all that started; I dunno how it could ever happen; I dunno anything but the only thing I’m sure of is that I need you. I need you desperately. Like a dying man in the desert prays for the precious drops of the rain… Whoever you think I am I just beg you not to make any decision yet. Just let me explain what I feel because it’s just impossible to bear it all. My heart is just breaking, falling apart when I’m not with you. And now when you’re so fucking busy with all your shows, plays, presentations - whatever! and I forgot when we last met or even had a chat on the phone. I understand that it’s just a part of our contract to have interviews together, to meet with fans, give autographs to them and all those things and certainly you’re not obliged to spend the rest of your time with me, to share some of your hours with a git like me! I know that and I know that it looks more like hysteria then a sensible letter but you know that it’s already too much.
I would probably quit the show if I could because I understand that as soon as we shoot the last episode you will just shake my hand and vanish in your bright, fantastic future leaving me in the middle of nowhere, with all this thoughts and being at a loss. I begged the Four Js to let me have more shootings with Angel and other guys just not to see your unbelievable eyes, your so fucking sexy lips, your soft and silky skin, not to touch your fragile and at the same time strong shoulders, not to feel your delicate fingers touching gently my cheekbones… Oh, Jesus, I just cannot be there understanding that it’s all wrong and feeling that I cannot resist it. I’m a creep because I’m saying all these words (the words I never said to any person, to any girl in the whole fucking world,) to my colleague, to a guy! And I know that I cannot even hope for any reply from you and I even don’t want any because I’m sure of what will be in it.
Col, mate, I hope you’ll understand what I meant by all this stupid moaning. Just couldn’t hold it within myself anymore. Please trust me I will never show anything in public or whenever we talk to the press or do other things we have to according to our contracts and I swear I will disappear from your life whenever the shooting is done.
Sorry for all that unpleasant things you had to read and forgive me for what I’ve just said.

Bradley









Bradley,

You’re absolutely right – you’re a blockhead! How could you keep all this in secret and never letting me know? Didn’t give me any chance to decide myself what I think IS right and what is NOT!
You’re so blinded with your own worrying that you didn’t even notice that behind that ‘irresistible smile” I was trying to hide my own suffering, my own feelings for you. Oh yeah, I’m a very good actor but even our fans could see all that, they somehow understood it from the pictures, they cried about it all over the internet urging the press to ask those inappropriate questions. I had to burry myself in the tons of screenplays, to overload myself with work not to let you guess what I was really thinking and feeling. And tell me how on earth could I show my feelings to you when you’re always that “macho”, going out with dozens of girls, kissing them all and letting everyone see it?!
Oh, yes you were pretty much aware that I was happy to be with you, not only to work with you, just simply BE with you, spend some time with you laughing and clowning around, just to feel your firm grip on my shoulder that caused warm feeling spreading all over inside of me. Mate, you just let me feel so abandoned and there’s nothing on earth I wanted so much in my life but to hear those words from you that you’ve finally said in your letter. I dunno whom should I thank for all that happiness that fell on me unexpectedly ‘cos I couldn’t even dream of that…
Bradley, I know you’re upset because you’ve never had such relationship before and you thought that I would never accept such relationship myself and to be honest with you I never thought I could have such strong feeling towards any male or any person in particular… But I have to admit that from the very first time I saw you my heart just sank. The only thing I wanted was that the premier series would be appreciated by viewers and we continue shooting ‘cos that was the only possibility for me to look at you, to watch you, to share my thoughts with you, just be with you…
And now you know that whatever you thought of my reply is all wrong. I want to be with you and I want you to know that you’re the only person in my life whom I really fell for at the very first sight.
And Bradley, please, let us meet and talk before the shooting starts because I cannot wait any longer. I want to look into your eyes and see that I’m not dreaming.

Colin